Important topic. Along with naming your inner critic, you can also try to shift the pronoun it uses to your name. Hearing the critic say “I’m such an ass” or “You’re such an ass” repeat the statement again (I know, sounds counterintuitive to double down—but hear me out). The second time, switch to “Dan is such an ass.” Gradually the inner critic will switch over to using your name. And then it’s easier to evaluate its words. “Am I really such an ass? Or did I just do a humorous silly thing that people sometimes do?”
I’ve been down that negative self talk road a few times before. It’s rough, and I wish you all the best with it.
Positive self-talk of the affirmation variety is more effective in the third person. Instead of saying “I am a great writer” I would say “David is a great writer.” From the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
There’s a positive identity exercise I’m working on that I got from The Science of On Camera Acting that I’m finding to be extremely helpful.
Thank you for your comment! I left u a comment but then it disappeared so I’m responding again 🤦🏻♀️. I realized my negative self talk is like background noise… it’s always there but I can tune it out, I just have to be mindful of it.
The science of on camera acting sounds interesting. I’m glad it’s working for you! 😀
Great post, Claire! This reminds me of Anne Lamott's strategy of trapping those voices in a jar and closing the lid. I've also dipped my toe in Zen-style meditation and it's pretty counterintuitive how a few moments of silence and focus can really cut through the negative mental chatter.
Hey Sophia, thank you. I never heard of Anne Lamott's strategy... whatever works, haha. How's the Zen meditation going? I used to meditate years ago, but stopped. My form of meditation is when I lay down in yoga before/after class and when I sit down to write in my journal every morning, but not sure if that is quite the same thing.
I don't do Zen meditation regularly, but feel like I should start. Love love love yoga and journaling but they're such engrained habits now that it feels like I should try something different to break out of my rut.
I totally hear you. Yoga and journaling are great, but I get it... sometimes you just want something different. Cold plunges and Wim Hoff breathing? Lol.
Oh, my inner saboteur has been sitting very closely lately! This was a great and important piece. These are great insights and tips that you share.
I'll add the work of Kristen Neff to the list of resources. Her work around self-compassion has been super helpful for me. When I hear my inner critic squawking at me, I try to respond as if I am talking to my 10-year-old daughter. I say to myself all the things I would say to her. Overtime, this has helped me. I am so much sweeter to myself ;-)
Hi Allison, thank you for your kind words. I also love Kristen Neff... she is on the 10% Happier podcast I listen to frequently. Why is it so hard to be kinder to ourselves? It feels so counterintuitive, but something we all seem to grapple with in one way or another.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment. I realized that negative talk (for me) is like background noise. It’s always there but like white noise, I can learn to tune it on and off. I just have to keep remembering that it’s just noise. Glad to hear exercises from the science of on camera acting is working for u (sounds interesting g btw!). 😊
That's a good point! I agree that a lot of habits like these can't be completely eliminated because in many ways, it's human nature and when you stop being mindful about it, you kind of default to your old habits and ways of thinking. For me, it's about changing the inner conversation and bring that awareness to it. Then, figuring out what helps to let it go (i.e., giving your negative voice a name, saying mantras, recognizing the thought and letting it pass through you, etc) is also important. :)
This resonated with me on several levels. It’s amazing how being kinder to ourselves can open up so many doors. Loved what you said about asking what is true, didn’t realize that’s exactly what I’ve been doing for a while now. It definitely helps.
Hi Kerry, thank you for your comment and I'm so glad it helped you. Building a better relationship with yourself is so important. I hope you continue questioning "what's true." :)
Great insights here! We all struggle with our negative inner voices that hinder our progress and crack our confidence. I like the little person analogy. This issue also relates to the "Imposter Syndrome." Since I write about visual storytelling, I tend to treat these negative voices as just temporary dips in the story arc that bound to spike up. They always are :)
Thank you for your comment! That's an interesting way to think about negative voices too... temporary dips. I like that. That reminds me of struggling, in general. Without it, we can't improve and grow and get better. :)
Exactly! The other way I think about it, is inspired by a Twilight Zone’s episode 28 “A Nice Place to Visit.” If you live in a world where there are no challenges. Everything you desire you get. Then soon enough the lack of challenges makes it too boring to stand. We need these temp dips to keep it interesting ;)
Nice reference! I love the Twilight Zone. Yup, I totally agree that a lack of challenges = unremarkable daily life. Even if I don't enjoy it at the moment, I actually like being pushed to feel uncomfortable, way more than I used to. The difference is how I evaluate the situation. Taking a step back to stop and think (and consider the "voices") have also been game changers.
Important topic. Along with naming your inner critic, you can also try to shift the pronoun it uses to your name. Hearing the critic say “I’m such an ass” or “You’re such an ass” repeat the statement again (I know, sounds counterintuitive to double down—but hear me out). The second time, switch to “Dan is such an ass.” Gradually the inner critic will switch over to using your name. And then it’s easier to evaluate its words. “Am I really such an ass? Or did I just do a humorous silly thing that people sometimes do?”
Hi Dan, thanks for that tip. I don't think I've ever heard of the shifting of pronouns, but I'll try that next time!
I’ve been down that negative self talk road a few times before. It’s rough, and I wish you all the best with it.
Positive self-talk of the affirmation variety is more effective in the third person. Instead of saying “I am a great writer” I would say “David is a great writer.” From the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
There’s a positive identity exercise I’m working on that I got from The Science of On Camera Acting that I’m finding to be extremely helpful.
Thank you for your comment! I left u a comment but then it disappeared so I’m responding again 🤦🏻♀️. I realized my negative self talk is like background noise… it’s always there but I can tune it out, I just have to be mindful of it.
The science of on camera acting sounds interesting. I’m glad it’s working for you! 😀
Great post, Claire! This reminds me of Anne Lamott's strategy of trapping those voices in a jar and closing the lid. I've also dipped my toe in Zen-style meditation and it's pretty counterintuitive how a few moments of silence and focus can really cut through the negative mental chatter.
Hey Sophia, thank you. I never heard of Anne Lamott's strategy... whatever works, haha. How's the Zen meditation going? I used to meditate years ago, but stopped. My form of meditation is when I lay down in yoga before/after class and when I sit down to write in my journal every morning, but not sure if that is quite the same thing.
I don't do Zen meditation regularly, but feel like I should start. Love love love yoga and journaling but they're such engrained habits now that it feels like I should try something different to break out of my rut.
I totally hear you. Yoga and journaling are great, but I get it... sometimes you just want something different. Cold plunges and Wim Hoff breathing? Lol.
Lol, my husband is constantly talking about putting in a cold plunge pool and sauna! One of these days we should do a forest bathing trip ;)
Love it! 😆
Wonderful! Claire is amazing!!
Thanks for reading Caroline!! :)
Oh, my inner saboteur has been sitting very closely lately! This was a great and important piece. These are great insights and tips that you share.
I'll add the work of Kristen Neff to the list of resources. Her work around self-compassion has been super helpful for me. When I hear my inner critic squawking at me, I try to respond as if I am talking to my 10-year-old daughter. I say to myself all the things I would say to her. Overtime, this has helped me. I am so much sweeter to myself ;-)
Thanks for your honesty here, Claire!
Hi Allison, thank you for your kind words. I also love Kristen Neff... she is on the 10% Happier podcast I listen to frequently. Why is it so hard to be kinder to ourselves? It feels so counterintuitive, but something we all seem to grapple with in one way or another.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment. I realized that negative talk (for me) is like background noise. It’s always there but like white noise, I can learn to tune it on and off. I just have to keep remembering that it’s just noise. Glad to hear exercises from the science of on camera acting is working for u (sounds interesting g btw!). 😊
I think people spend too much time thinking about how they can eliminate negative self talk entirely, instead of figuring out how to control it.
Which is what we can actually do.
It's not really possible to eliminate it completely!
I agree that bringing awareness is probably the most important thing, as you become more and more aware of it.
You are able to better prepare for those thoughts when they enter your mind and you are able to control them.
You soon start to dissociate with your thoughts and realize that "you are not your thoughts"
Sure. It wasn't spelled out quite this way in the article but I think Claire did mention a lot of this.
That's a good point! I agree that a lot of habits like these can't be completely eliminated because in many ways, it's human nature and when you stop being mindful about it, you kind of default to your old habits and ways of thinking. For me, it's about changing the inner conversation and bring that awareness to it. Then, figuring out what helps to let it go (i.e., giving your negative voice a name, saying mantras, recognizing the thought and letting it pass through you, etc) is also important. :)
This resonated with me on several levels. It’s amazing how being kinder to ourselves can open up so many doors. Loved what you said about asking what is true, didn’t realize that’s exactly what I’ve been doing for a while now. It definitely helps.
Hi Kerry, thank you for your comment and I'm so glad it helped you. Building a better relationship with yourself is so important. I hope you continue questioning "what's true." :)
Great insights here! We all struggle with our negative inner voices that hinder our progress and crack our confidence. I like the little person analogy. This issue also relates to the "Imposter Syndrome." Since I write about visual storytelling, I tend to treat these negative voices as just temporary dips in the story arc that bound to spike up. They always are :)
Thank you for your comment! That's an interesting way to think about negative voices too... temporary dips. I like that. That reminds me of struggling, in general. Without it, we can't improve and grow and get better. :)
Exactly! The other way I think about it, is inspired by a Twilight Zone’s episode 28 “A Nice Place to Visit.” If you live in a world where there are no challenges. Everything you desire you get. Then soon enough the lack of challenges makes it too boring to stand. We need these temp dips to keep it interesting ;)
Nice reference! I love the Twilight Zone. Yup, I totally agree that a lack of challenges = unremarkable daily life. Even if I don't enjoy it at the moment, I actually like being pushed to feel uncomfortable, way more than I used to. The difference is how I evaluate the situation. Taking a step back to stop and think (and consider the "voices") have also been game changers.